Keeping up apearances...

This is my first Christmas in 7 yrs without someone who is still living but we have no contact so it is like he is dead to me. He had asked for my hand last New Years Eve and we were to be wed this coming March. The closer Christmas, New Years and March gets the more I just want the Lord to call me on home....but I know He is not done with me yet...and He alone can and will sustain me still the grief is real. For the most part essecially right after the breakup, no one would have ever guessed that I was falling apart any and every moment I was alone. I looked as if I didn't even care that my 7yr relationship and 5 month engagment had just ended...It was so abrupt! What no one seem to realize was I was in shock...it took months for me to show anyone what was going on inside. What hurts the most is we were such good friends but he wants absolutely nothing to do with me...so it feels as if he is dead. But as the title of the post says I will keep up with the appearance that evrything is GREAT in my life at least and expecially for my kids.